They are all at it! They come at me from all directions. In the supermarket, in the movie theater, and to top it off, they seek me out in my own home! Who are they? They are germs! The germs that carry the insidious sicknesses that can turn even Mr Muscle into a quivering jelly. Is nowhere safe? (Pause to wash hands while singing the happy birthday song through twice.)
My house is littered with disinfectant wipes, and I am thinking of designing my very own travel outfit using tasteful wipes as part of the accessory list. My shopping bags have their own sanitizer built in, and I think I should invent a circular shield round my body so that no one can touch me. I called my friend who had visited a couple of days ago... and she answered the phone in a hoarse whisper, liberally interlaced with racking coughs and a few sneezes thrown in for effect. OMG, to use a colloquial acronym,this means that she had to have visited my house during her incubation period!
Germ alert! Germ alert! (Back to hand washing.) I and my family have mastered the art of attaching wipes to our hands during the day, and if we look at, touch, or even think about any inanimate object that just may have become a breeding place for those germs, then we are at the ready. (Wash hands again!) Those sneaky suckers can collect anywhere - even the backs of necks are not immune. How many times has a girlfriend or best buddy thrown their arms round your neck in an effusive greeting not knowing what or how many germs they may have transmitted during this public display of affection. Steam cleaners to the fore! Present arms! Ready! Aim! Steam! Let no flu/cold germ go undetected and may they perish in the clouds of steam that emanate from the magic steam cleaner.
This too shall pass! My consumption of orange juice has quadrupled, and hot toddies have been requested as purely preventive measures you understand. All our toothbrushes have been put through the dishwasher - on hot! I'm thinking of putting myself through too... with a hot rinse to follow and maybe a hot finish.
Visitors are requested to present a current health certificate, which will be scrutinized for veracity and accuracy and accepted after the pre washing of hands. Thinking of steaming my keyboard but I'm told this will not improve it's ability to function. Just a moment.... do I detect a faint tickle at the back of my throat? Time to bring in the heavies! Fluids, vapor rubs, and keep the hot toddies at the ready! Appointments all cancelled - I'll get those germs yet! It will take more than a mere germ to lay me low. Think I'll wash my hands again, and again and again ad nauseam.